The nurses were watching me so I was too afraid to take out my camera and capture YOU in this battle. It stayed hidden in my bag while I fought off the strongest urges to pull it out and take ONE photo. Just one. I’d look so inappropriate. I’d look so disrespectful. I’d look like a cold-hearted, stupid girl. Except it’s not like that. All I really want to do is document this moment so that when you’re better, you can look back and tell a brave story. After all, that’s what I love about taking photos – the documentation of events in life, big and small. I’d document your battle and then eventually, your victory, too.

Even though I followed the rules and etiquette around heavy events like these and kept my camera in my bag, and even though it’s not a photo of your brave self in the intensive care room hooked up to just about every drug possible, I discretely pulled out my iPhone and quickly sneaked this shot on the way out. It’s not even close to the right photo, but it’s better than nothing. Taken today, blogged about today, the same day you were taken into intensive care. That’s a good start, I think.

My gut tells me that you’re going to make it with flying colours. You’ve done this many times before. I’m not worried. And I’m especially not worried because God is with you no matter what happens. That alone, is enough for a peace of mind.

Why can’t I get a high from the gym like everyone else? Could I possibly be hardwired to hate exercise? I feel good after a workout but the whole thing is mostly torturous. The treadmill bores me to death – 20 minutes is the most that I can handle and it has nothing to do with stamina, but has everything to do with losing my mind if I stayed on any longer. I’m giving classes a shot and I pray to God that it’s less torturous.

I can never get close enough to a squirrel to get a good capture. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten with my 50mm. They’re just so fast! No matter how quietly you creep up on them, they hit the ground running when you’re still several metres away.

The weatherman forecasted rain and gloom on Saturday (yesterday), but when we were pleasantly surprised with the sun, I made sure that I spent the entire day outside and buried my face in the sunlight. I am inspired by sunlight and all I want to do is take pictures. It is especially perfect when it’s nearly setting and it hits your face and hair a certain way to give the perfect glow, and you’re squinting to see because it’s so bright that it’s blinding.

I hear the ice cream truck outside my window. Although we have a full week of rain coming up, have faith, because our sunshiney days are still coming. It’s just taking a little longer this year.

“Golden retrievers are not bred to be guard dogs, and considering the size of their hearts and their irrepressible joy in life, they are less likely to bite than to bark, less likely to bark than to lick a hand in greeting. In spite of their size, they think they are lap dogs, and in spite of being dogs, they think they are also human, and nearly every human they meet is judged to have the potential to be a boon companion who might, at any moment, cry, “Let’s go!” and lead them on a great adventure.” –Dean Koontz

I’m hitting plateaus a lot faster than I used to. I need new photoshoot locations. I need photoshoot buddies that will get up and go with me whenever, wherever. I need to go on my trip in August now (and then go again in August). I need a road trip. I need to move somewhere. I need money. I need time. I need something new. I need to exercise. I need the hot summer sun beaming on my skin. I need to take a course. I need to keep learning. I need to feel progress. I need to move forward. I need to reach that next milestone. I need to be closer to God. I need to take dance lessons. I need to go sky diving. I need to go zip lining. I need to ride a hot air balloon. I need to take some GOOD pictures because they’re lacking lately. I need to trespass into someone’s farmland and take a photo. I need to start a business with a good team. I need a dutch bike. One that fits little people like me.

“Get up 15 minutes earlier. Prepare for the morning the night before. Don’t rely on memory; write things down. Repair things that don’t work properly. Make duplicate keys. Say ‘no’ more often. Set priorities in your life. Avoid negative people. Always make copies of important papers. Ask for help with jobs you dislike. Break large tasks into bite sized portions. Look at problems as challenges. Smile more. Be prepared for rain. Schedule a play time into every day. Avoid tight fitting clothes. Take a bubble bath. Believe in you. Visualize yourself winning. Develop a sense of humor. Start thinking tomorrow will be a better today. Have goals for yourself. Say hello to a stranger. Look up at the stars. Practice breathing slowly. Do brand new things. Stop a bad habit. Take stock of your achievements. Do it today. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Look at a work of art. Maintain your weight. Plant a tree. Stand up and stretch. Always have a plan b. Learn a new doodle. Learn to meet your own needs. Become a better listener. Know your limitations and let others know them too. Throw a paper airplane. Exercise every day. Get to work early. Clean out one closet. Take a different route to work. Leave work early (with permission). Remember you always have options. Quit trying to ‘fix’ other people. Get enough sleep. Praise other people. Relax, take each day at a time – you have the rest of your life to live.” Source

I love Twitter. Judge me all you want. I’m so ready to die on my bed right now though. Good night.

Giving the gym yet another shot – maybe this time’s going to be a charm, although it’s not the third and only the third’s a charm. Photo below is of my old pink gear from last year that I used a total of maybe… eight times. Let’s reuse and recycle. Can you tell I love pink? My membership starts next Tuesday with Premier Fitness – $25/month for 12 months + 13th month free. It’s a very good deal for better health. My boyfriend is going to design a training program for me. I need to be stronger. I can barely lift a box these days.

I have a box of all birthday cards that I’ve ever received; here are a few of the cuter ones. I love reading old notes and cards. My birthday is creeping up in exactly a month. Instead of cringing at the thought of leaving another year of my youth, I’m going to embrace it because this is still my early 20s and I can keep on painting it beautifully so that it’s a time that I can reminisce to. Here’s to committing to another year of pursuing goals and knocking dreams off my bucket list and it’ll all be documented in my photography. I want to see more of the world.